i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
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Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
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AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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