While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize