Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize