Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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