I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
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It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
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Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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