I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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