My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize