the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize