woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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