Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Randomize