Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  ??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.

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  (212): ??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years. http://tfl.nu/7axl
  Replies (36) Good night (1751) Bad night (821)
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  (925): View more from California

  I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..

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  (925): I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand.. http://tfl.nu/3ekb
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  (310): View more from California

  I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.

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  (310): I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets. http://tfl.nu/76ec
  Replies (16) Good night (698) Bad night (2736) Order T-Shirt
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  (406): View more from Montana

  he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.

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  (406): he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut. http://tfl.nu/l4ub
  Replies (24) Good night (595) Bad night (5779) Order T-Shirt
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.

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  (502): guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct. http://tfl.nu/g5ut
  Replies (48) Good night (5417) Bad night (2106) Order T-Shirt
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often

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  (413): your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often http://tfl.nu/h345
  Replies (5) Good night (3111) Bad night (794) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.

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  (732): You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name. http://tfl.nu/cvf5
  Replies (18) Good night (6363) Bad night (1000) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.

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  (203): I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole. http://tfl.nu/9iug
  Replies (17) Good night (1243) Bad night (3127) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.

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  (+44): you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking. http://tfl.nu/0mh2
  Replies (5) Good night (3391) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth

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  (818): That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth http://tfl.nu/emd7
  Replies (9) Good night (1928) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer

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  (678): I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer http://tfl.nu/ffy6
  Replies (4) Good night (641) Bad night (1004) Order T-Shirt
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night

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  (865): Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night http://tfl.nu/c61e
  Replies (2) Good night (1477) Bad night (494) Order T-Shirt
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  (+52): View more from Mexico

  she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.

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  (+52): she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico. http://tfl.nu/9tjl
  Replies (11) Good night (2207) Bad night (426) Order T-Shirt
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.

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  (920): Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience. http://tfl.nu/3t0z
  Replies (0) Good night (1030) Bad night (359) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.

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  (570): I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka. http://tfl.nu/dcdl
  Replies (0) Good night (270) Bad night (83) Order T-Shirt

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