Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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