WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
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I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
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So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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