This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize