This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
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My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
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It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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