i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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