I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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