my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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