There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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