I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize