I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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