If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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