i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize