her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
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All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
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I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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