am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize