I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize