hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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