well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
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