There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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