Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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