I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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