i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize