If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
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I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
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So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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