I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize