Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If I die, sorry about rent.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize