I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
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so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
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I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize