I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
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after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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