I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
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she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
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he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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