"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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