I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
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You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
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you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I deserve this hangover.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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