I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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