I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
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The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
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PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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