Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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