Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
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Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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