She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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