Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
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I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
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Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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