Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
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Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
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I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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