We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
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when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
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"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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