I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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