all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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